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20/10/10

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Laughing so hard it hurts.

abbyjean:

Lawyer: come in.

Prospective lawyer: thanks for seeing me.

L: your father says you want to go to law school.

PL: that’s right. i’m really excited about becoming a lawyer.

L: oh my god. why would you do that?

PL: i want to help people.

L: so you were pre-med and got a C in organic chemistry?

PL: a D+ actually. how did you know?

L: lucky guess. and now you can’t think of anything else to do?

PL: no. i want to help people.

L: you mentioned that. do you really have any plan whatsoever?

PL: i love the constitution.

L: if you say it’s a living breathing document, i may kill myself.

PL: but it is.

L: oh no, you’re going to make me orphan my daughter. i haven’t seen her in three years.

PL: it must be such a thrill to argue a constitutional issue.

L: listen, there are like three lawyers in america who argue constitutional issues. they all went to harvard and graduated in the 1970s. did you go to harvard?

PL: i love the privileges and immunities clause.

L: do you have a time machine you can use to go back to the 1970s and graduate with those guys?

PL: the constitution is so amazing.

L: you are going to make me take all my ambien at the same time and then chase it with a glass of scotch.

PL: i really want to work on the important issues of the day.

L: do you consider a breach of contract case between two giant software companies an important issue of the day?

PL: of course. the marketplace is very important. 

L: they’ve spent $4.1 million in legal fees arguing about the name of an obscure font that no one ever uses.

PL: i also want to work for legal aid. it must be so fascinating to help poor people with their legal problems.

L: what’s fascinating is that you will be one of these poor people. except you will have $100,000 in law school debt.

PL: i’m not doing this for the money.

L: i hate you. i hope an asteroid hits your dilapidated house in a bad section of town.

PL: you’re just very jaded.

L: so how do you plan to pay for law school?

PL: i’ll have to take out a few loans.

L: you realize you’ll be paying those back for the next 20 years, even if you decide you hate being a lawyer?

PL: i know i’m going to love it.

L: i see. have you ever had to answer 428 requests for admission, all of which were designed to trick you?

PL: i can’t wait to investigate my client’s case. it’s like being a detective.

L: have you ever agreed to a mediation, and then discovered the other side requested it so a process server could trap your client in the bathroom of a wendy’s?

PL: i really love alternative dispute resolution.

L: have you ever spent a thanksgiving holiday reviewing 1.2 million pages of billing records in a warehouse in topeka?

PL: i am very committed.

L: i think you should be committed. do you plan to get married?

PL: yes, of course.

L: do you also plan to get divorced?

PL: i can’t wait to find my soulmate. i’m going on a chemistry.com date tonight. he wants to be an artist.

L: good luck with that. have you ever attended a law school class?

PL: i can’t wait to make a whole group of new friends.

L: yeah, law students are an awesome bunch. it’s like a distilled bunch of the biggest a-holes you knew in college. are you aware that you’ll be spending three years in an environment that in no way shape or form prepares you for anything remotely resembling a law career? plus, you’ll probably develop a coke habit.

PL: i’m very dedicated. i’ll work very hard.

L: i’m sure you will. you don’t plan on ever seeing your kids, right? my son is in jail for selling ecstasy. my daughter is addicted to painkillers and wine from a box.

PL: things are different for my generation.

L: true, you’ll have even less fun practicing law than i did, which is really hard to believe.

PL: i like your blackberry.

L: i do not like my blackberry. i would like to torture it until it begs me to kill it. do you know that i’m required to check it every 6 hours, 24 hours a day?

PL: i like being able to stay connected. you can better serve your clients that way.

L: i had a client call me at 3 this morning to tell me he needed help because he’d been picked up on a DUI. he blew a 0.24.

PL: i want to try criminal defense, too. it’s so important to protect a person’s right to a fair trial.

L: you realize all of them are guilty, right?

PL: they can’t all be guilty.

L: all of them.

PL: what about innocent until proven guilty?

L: they’ve been arrested. if they go to trial, a judge has already decided there’s probable cause, meaning it’s more likely than not that they did it.

PL: what about that guy who was hours away from execution when a DNA test cleared him?

L: do you move your lips when you read? science cleared that guy. a lawyer put his ass in prison.

PL: i’m really interested in your summer program. can i leave you my resume?

L: leave it with my secretary. i’m going to throw myself out of the window. thanks for coming by.

PL: see you after finals. bye.

(i didn’t make this, found it on Lawyers Guns & Money)

Notes:

  1. luckyambition reblogged this from marcusallenthecat
  2. marcusallenthecat reblogged this from monkeytonenews and added:
    come in. Prospective lawyer: thanks for seeing me. your father says you want to go to law school. that’s right. i’m...
  3. emandink reblogged this from abbyjean
  4. monkeytonenews reblogged this from abbyjean and added:
    Tears. Rolling down...cheeks. Can’t stop crying. Really. Hyperventilating
  5. andyhutchins said: Thank you thank you thank you for typing it out!
  6. oneawkwardpigeon reblogged this from abbyjean
  7. shruthigopal reblogged this from abbyjean
  8. jakke said: Okay this just made me laugh out loud in a crowded coffee shop.
  9. kiriamaya said: :D I started making one of these! Cool to see someone else doing it too. <3
  10. abbyjean posted this
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